Family deaths and sicknesses, it’s hard to cope

I’ve been through so much with family deaths and extremely sick family members. On top of me being mentally ill and severely depressed, it makes me insanely anxious running to the ER with my family member often. I probably have ptsd from those heart monitors, I mean can you blame me? I watched my loved one flatline during a cardiac arrest episode and then luckily his heart was able to beat again after cardioversion. But it’s just so traumatic. And of course, I had family deaths.

I plan to go to grad school during the fall, I already finished applying to several schools and waiting on acceptances, but I’m having another nightmare with a family member being sick. Frankly, I don’t even know what to do with my life. This is so insanely stressful, man.