Question

I am a 27 f and trying to figure out how “normal” this is or if I have a problem and how bad is it? I am very afraid of men, but equally want to engage with one. I really want sex, but I’m afraid of it. I want to have casual sex with someone but I have trouble visualizing how it could happen with my fears. I can’t see porn without getting panic attacks, the thought of sex sends me spiraling, I think that if I see a penis I would have the urge to run away screaming but I know if the situation was real I can’t just run away like that it would be weird/ rude lol. Also once sexual things happen I disappear, my mind goes elsewhere and it’s hard to come back, I will just freeze and be limp and sometimes pass out from - fear I guess? I think if someone would allow me to simply sit next to them until I stop shaking, and then maybe very slowly if I can give a hug, and very slowly I can learn to be comfortable. But I’m afraid guys aren’t that patient and will just get mad if I don’t put out and don’t know what to do . Ive already done therapy and it’s being recommended that I just kind of jump into it now