I miss being anorexic

I miss being anorexic. I miss seeing my rips show in the mirror. My eating disorder got so bad that I went to the hospital but I relapsed with bulimia. Plus the big reason I had my eating disorder is because I want to get rid of my chest. I have chest dysphoria. I should be happy because good things are in my life right now. I have a supportive girlfriend, I got a new job that involves dogs and I haven't self harmed in a while. Yet I can't help but have problems with my body still.