Getting Older

Sorry if this is more venting than a question. I would love to hear from anyone who can relate though.

I’m really in my head tonight about my age. I’ll be 34 in June. I know I’m not old, but I’m not young either. I have not achieved much in life, but I’m trying to do better. My last post in this sub details the changes I’m making to remedy my lack of success and fulfillment.

I know things will likely improve as I chase my goals, but on bad days I feel like it’s pathetic that I’m just now deciding to make changes in my mid 30s. I wish I could go back in time and shake my younger self. I’m scared that my lack of experience with sex, love, and life will always be a barrier between me and other gay men my age. I feel like a child compared to my peers sometimes.

People often tell me that I’m still young or that I have my whole life ahead of me. This feels condescending. I’m 34 and have not lived a healthy lifestyle. My life is likely almost half over.

I’m still committed to making changes, and I hope that seeing results will eventually make me feel better. Just feeling lonely and a little negative after a bad day.