Seeking Advice: Indian American Gay Couple thinking of moving to India?

Hello Reddit,

This is going to be a little longer read. Hope you’re staying warm and safe.

I am a proud queer individual from India who moved to the US for my education. I come from a relatively wealthy family, across both Indian and American standards and chose to complete my post-secondary education in the US. During this time, as young college folks do, I dated around quite a bit and met my now current fiancée (a white American - this will be relevant later) in college, who I dated for some years before we decided we want to spend our lives together. My family resides in India and has no idea of my romantic interests or relationships and I genuinely also don’t think it’s anyone’s business. I have always come off as pretty flamboyant in the way I talk, walk, behave and sometimes dress and at this point, my parents must be blind to not see it coming. Regardless, I have mentioned pretty clearly to my parents that I do not intend to marry a girl/femme and ruin her and my own life in the process and I think it may have been a hard pill to swallow but they haven’t forced me to marry, yet.

Due to my education coming to an end, me and him have to now take an extremely difficult decision of either relocating to India or staying in the US. After Trump’s victory, he genuinely has lost the hope in his country and it has unfortunately really broken him down and hit him with a PTSD. At the same time, we live in California and just by living in the state, we get a lot of immunity from the Trump’s overreach of the federal government. His victory has helped me in a way as my fiancée is now openly considering moving to India - only if we live in an Americanized/modern neighborhood. At the same time, he doesn’t mind us trying to build our life together in California. And so, wherever we go is left for me to decide.

With both of these options, I am so genuinely torn apart. Conventional wisdom and dreadful posts on Reddit about India scream “take the chance, stay in the US!”. Additionally, I am aware that being a queer couple itself might shut us out from many things including the ability to rent an apartment in the Americanized neighborhood so he feels more at home or even as basic as steal a kiss in public. I am very much aware of the problems with air quality, government bureaucracy, cleanliness and hygiene and it’s unfortunate. I am not sure if I should be basing my decisions just based on these cons. Or maybe I am not expanding on these cons.

Here’s why: For him, having to make that cultural leap is something I see being less difficult than it maybe once was. Coming from the city of Hyderabad, I must say that the pace of development has quite shocked me - Hi-Tech city looks like the downtown of your Tier 3 American city. Also, with the increasing amount of Americans working in the Consulate in Hyderabad as well Indian-Americans in the city, I do see him finding himself a community - maybe, a small one but let’s be honest still pretty big enough for him. Being in India, I would also be closer to my family and friends - not a huge factor as I have built solid friendships in the US but it may play a role. We have also agreed upon to move back to the US, if everything fails in India.

The main problem that is leading me to be so indecisive is frankly future financial security. The US is continuing to see a huge increase in costs and prices but wages haven’t really increased. Being in the US and remaining here might cut my access to financial assistance from my family and would end up with me having to build my life, from scratch - which I don’t think the current American economy helps do. Here’s where I am grateful for so many internships I took in college in the field of lobbying and political consulting and I am sure there might be some opportunity for me with the network I built here.

On the flip side, in India, I have my work cut out for me due to already having a family business and a father with a vast network and connections. My dad is also more readily willing to invest in a business or startup that I am in interested in India, as that’s his primary residence - which makes sense. Such a large investment and ability to make a big business might be at stake - again, it might also fail and maybe a loss or a profit. Additionally, I might also lose a great inheritance lmfao, if I do end up being in the West - but I guess, it just depends on my father feels, which I agree with, it’s his money after all.

Another reason for my indecisiveness are my aging parents. I do want to spend more time with my parents as they age and be there for them. I know I will always feel guilty if I wasn’t there for them.

With all of this, what would you do? If you have lived in both the countries, I want to hear from you. If you have made the move to India, I would love to hear from you too. Thanks 🩵