what's the point

(not looking for religious answers but) what's the point? i didnt ask for any of this! i dont want a "big" life but the little comfort i can think of means nothing... food is expensive, no money to go out... even if i did, as a woman, im CONSTANTLY messed with or feel unsafe. im so tired of adapting my behaviors so i can just be LEFT ALONE. besides, nowadays, people are all on their own wavelengths; i feel like it's harder than ever to connect with a community. my parents are aging and disabled and (because there's no safety net in america,) im their biggest source of help... i left my (admittedly) absolutely soul-crushing, abusive job to help them and there's NOTHING... ive got a condition as well that is only going to get worse with age and stress... how can this be acceptable. my experience on this earth will mean NOTHING once theyre gone and i dont even WANT to be doing this!!! FUUUUUUCK our society for telling women this is their role... i am NOT a caregiver and will never have children (due to my condition and our refusal to do anything about climate change). i feel like i could lay down and never get up...