UPDATE #1: Please be my surrogate girlfriends and help me with my RIDICULOUS crush on this guy
Omg thank you besties for all your amazing advice and comments and insight, I can't tell you how much it meant to me that so many people reached out and were so invested!! So, after reading all of your comments/copying and pasting most of the advice into a separate spreadsheet, I've 1. realised I'm actually not that bonkers and it's okay to have a crush, 2. told more of my friends irl, and 3. DECIDED TO GO TO HIS SHOW. I've come up with a multi-branching plan that covers basically every possible scenario:
a) go to this guys show, try and speak to him afterwards and
- mention our mutual friend
- discuss our shared work, then hopefully it goes well and hit him with a
- "so do you want to go for a drink sometime"
b) go to this guys show, if can't speak to him afterwards (ie he legs it the second he's done/he's mobbed by raging fans)
- get his number via our mutual friend and text him with all the above convo
- just get her to introduce us using the "oh my friend peanutbutterheart came to your show and was super into it, you two should date" (this friend is more invested now she's realised how ridiculously into him I am)
c) go to this guys show, discover he has a secret supermodel girlfriend/wife and kids/gay lover, go home and cry for several days then move on (inexplicable)
I have decided to attempt to dress 'hot casual' in an effort to appear alluring and desirable, I spend most of my time in what would best be described as "laundry day crisis" so appreciate your thoughts and prayers at this critical time. Some of you actually wrote lovely compliments as well which I have read back several times to like big myself up in advance of this guys show...!!!!!
Again my huge and endless thanks for helping me crowdsource this plan and for your general good vibes and positivity. Please keep your fingers crossed for me!!
Just a few other things to share is that
- my friends think I am fucking nuts, this guy is "average at best" in both vibes and appearance, other phrases used by my friends were "weird looking" "I don't see the appeal" "please forget about this gross man" and "really?". According to them I'm "classically beautiful" "smart, funny, hot" "a catch" depending who you ask so it just goes to show there is something for everyone?! and I maybe undersold myself in my last post. our mutual friend was like "please go have a romantic night and I hope I can be godparent to one of your seven kids" so safe to say she is actually invested now
- I actually did fancy somebody like this in my teens when I was HUGELY into a boy in my friend group. And then I had a crush on an A-List Hollywood actor a few years back which obviously went precisely nowhere. So this isn't quite the first time I've felt like this but definitely the first time in a while
- I asked the last few people I've dated, all of whom put me in the friendzone, what the issue was and most of them said being open, being funny and "seeming interested in everything" so I think my tactic if and when I meet this guy will be to literally just say my opening line and then sit there silently and alluringly. still waters etc
also side quest unlocked: after telling more of my friends about this devastating crush not one but TWO of my friends were like "why would anybody not fancy you?" and then revealed that they actually were into me (!) and have been for some time (!!) which was extremely unexpected and honestly kind of shocking and I felt terrible to say... okay but I'm very much just into this one dude as mentioned. but all of this is making me think actually maybe I do have a hope in hell with this (still currently) total stranger who has no idea I exist. thank you for the advice! hopefully a positive update to come soon!