I think my ”husband’s” mistress thinks he is richer than he actually is. My best friend thinks I am a douche because I am keeping silent
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Wrong_Essay_49 posting in r/TrueOffMyChest
Likely Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Thanks to u/Separate_Kick3186 for finding this BORU
Original - 6th February 2024
Update - 22nd February 2024
I think my ”husband’s” mistress thinks he is richer than he actually is. My best friend thinks I am a douche because I am keeping silent
Husband in “” because we are not married legally. Throwaway. Please let me vent here!
He:39 Me:39 Mistress:29 Best friend:39
We have been together for 14 years. Living together for 11. He came and told me that he was in love about 3 weeks ago. I was surprised at the lack of fucks I had to give at receiving such information. I did love him but maybe my love has always been conditional and its survival depends on it being reciprocated because it literally vanished the second he confessed to me that he was in love with another woman.
He didn’t want a separation but to maybe open the relationship or let his feelings for her subside. I said it was over. It was like I never had feelings for him ever. He was taken aback by my indifference which I thought: the audacity! Did he want me to be hurt and suffer? I told him that he should be relieved that he didn’t cause pain. Instead, he has been sulking since.
Last Friday I got home and mistress was there. Sitting in my kitchen sipping my tea. I felt nauseous because seriously? I told them that this wasn’t civil at all and to never be in my home again or I would call the cops. I went to my room and I heard her yelling at him for not standing up for her. Then I heard her say something very curious: why haven’t you kicked her out yet.
He was trying to tell her to lower her voice whispering: later! we can discuss this later! She left and he came to me apologizing. He said: We didn’t have sex here if this is what you are scared of. She just dropped by because I was working from home today. I told him that he had until the end of March to move out and to find somewhere to be during the weekends.
This morning I changed all the locks. From now on he isn’t allowed in my place during my working hours so if he starts later or finishes earlier, we he needs to wait for me to come home and let him in.
But his mistress’s words stuck with me so during the weekend I have been stalking her social media. I think she thinks that he is rich. Or at least that he owns my apartment. I think she also thinks that my parent’s summer house and boat are his. Unfortunately the loser has taken her there, probably bragging about his wealth because her hashtags were all about TheGoodLife.
I was telling my best friend all of this but she was more agitated than indignant on my behalf. She told me that he was a scum not telling mistress the truth. I agreed:IKR?! But then she said I was no better not explaining to her his situation either. I was dumbfounded but she was serious. I told her that it wasn’t my job to bring back mistress to earth. My best friend got very angry and demanded that I gave her mistress’s username so that she could warn her. NO! I said. She called me: A bigger douche than he is then!
I don’t know what’s going on with these people. Have they gone mad or have I ? When did our moral compass go askew like this? Can someone tell me that I am not insane?
Comments
Ixi7311
lol, you’re not responsible for his lies. Kick him out and leave it.
OOP: He has until the end of march
notthelizardgenitals
You also need better friends, WTF is wrong with you NOT giving the mistress a heads up? To me, this is a clear case of FAFO
Disastrous_Ad_8561
Nope, not wrong. Get rid of him and wash your hands. Your bestie sounds delusional.
OOP: Phew, because I thought something was wrong with me when she got upset I don’t get her either. Maybe I will just let her initiate contact again? Because she was really pissed when I refused to text her mistress’s instagram account
Environmental_Art591
OP, she just demanded that your ex kick you out of your home so that she can move in. Do you really think someone like that deserves the kindness of a heads up, not to mention she has been drinking your exs coolaid for a while now and wouldn't believe anything you say anyway so why waste your time. As for your "friend" they are either a current/former mistress, a gold digger, living in the land of sunshine, rainbows and unicorns, or were never really a friend to you in the first place.
I hade a showdown with my former best friend - 16 days later
I did it. I had a showdown with my former best friend via text and I confronted her about her nonexistent support when I went to her with my woes. I told her that she concentrated on the wrong issue. She should have been my shoulder to cry in. She should have shown up with wine, ice cream and a shovel but instead, she called me a bigger douche than my husband.
She tried to gaslight me and I realized that she’s always been a good gaslighter so I interrupted her before she made me out to be the villain. I asked her bluntly, was (her husband’s name) married when you started sleeping together? You told us that he was married before, we all knew that but we all were under the impression that he was married and divorced before you two met but was he still married? Is that why you related to the mistress and felt sympathy for her? Because you were her? She didn’t answer me until next day to call me a bitter and jealous bitch. Wow!
This was the last one on one interaction with her I have decided. She’s been my friend since preschool but now we need to go our separate ways not only to save us from future hurt but also to save our memories together from hurt.
I talked to my husband too and asked him not to make the separation difficult and bitter that it ruins all the happiness we felt being together because we cannot think back on 1/3 of our lives with resentment. I asked him to take my dad’s offer (he offered to help him find a lease on an apartment and pay 1/2 years rent if he moved out without giving me problems. When I got home, he and his clothes were gone. He left an apology letter saying that he will always love me and never meant to hurt me.
So I have finally been able to cry my eyes out and it felt so good. I have been crying since I got home. I lost two of my closest people but this is what happens when we hit hardships, we see people’s true faces.
This is my update. I don’t know if anything major will happen to make more updates. It is time for me to move on.
Comments
Antique_College
Wow op! Good for you! Your friend is definitely not worth your time and your stbx should be thanking his lucky stars that you are so kind.
RanaEire
Tacking my comment under yours because you've said it quite succinctly.
OP is actually kind-hearted to help the cheater out (much better reaction that I would have had), and I am happy that she called out her ex-friend's BS (projecting much, eh? Just like the comments under her previous post said).
She was truly something else, that one...
OOP - good to cry it out, but, hopefully there are better things around the corner for you. Good luck!
OOP: It is not out of kind heartedness😂 I can’t just kick the man out without a fight or a bribe. If I had started eviction proceedings I would need at least 6 months to do so and I didn’t want to him in my life for this long. So I am bribing him. Housing is very scarce and primary lease is almost impossible. My dad has connections with landlords so he agreed to move out! He is living with his parents now until he gets his contract. I am happy it didn’t get more complicated. This was what my lawyer advised me to do because taking the eviction route would have made it drag for months
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.