This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/dating by User Over_th_dr_inker. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded.

Mood: happy

Original

January 13, 2025

So I’ve been off the dating/flirting industry for a few months, just because I was tired of meeting people that I was not excited about. So I decided to focus on me for a while.

During the holidays there were many parties and many acquaintances due to common friend groups etc. There were 2-3 people who showed interest but I wasn't in the mood to put any energy into it, so somehow they didn't move on and I was okay. But there was one guy, who I hadn't noticed, because I wasn't interested in him in appearance.

I'll be perfectly honest so you understand what I'm saying. I'm not judging, and I mean to say that my weight is not normal (it's a little below normal), which made me attractive to people who like that specific body type. I don't like it either, but I'm trying to gain weight (and yes it's as serious a problem as those trying to lose.) The guy I'm talking to is well above normal weight. We are just the opposite in appearance.

BUT We had such nice conversations, he's smart and most of all I laugh a lot. The conversation flows easily, I don't put energy into it. He started flirting with great humor, he makes it easy for me to re-send a message and start a conversation without much energy and thought. IN GENERAL HE MAKES IT VERY EASY FOR ME AND I LAUGH A LOT. But I feel like there hasn't been anything sexual in my mind so far. He’s very handsome in my eyes but I haven’t thought of him as “sexy”

Do you think this is changing? He is the only person so far that our communication is so pleasant, but I don't know if it makes sense to go ahead, or to date him.

Has your perspective on this ever changed? Did your perspective on sexiness ever changed?

Notable Comments:

You have nothing to lose, OP. Why not give it a try? Worst case scenario, it fizzles out. Best case scenario, it could develop into something! BrilliantMatter0

You sound exactly like my best friends, who btw liked him very much! 😂 That’s probably what I’m gonna do! [OOP]

If you plan on being with anyone with an extended period of time their appearance will change a lot. Sometimes, dramatically so.

The item of concern should be whether his appearance is evidence of bad habits that will cause problems in the relationship. Lacking that, you should date him and permit yourself to love him. At that point sex become relevant. lovelycapital

It depends. If you’re serious about your health and want to take action to become a healthier person, then it’s important to find someone with a similar goal.

Speak to him and see if he shares your goals, or see what his views are on exercise and healthy, balanced meals.

Maybe you’re both moving towards the same goal, in which case you could do it together. Bodies can transform with effort and resolve.

Side story! My friend started dating a guy whose physical appearance she wasn’t into, but she found him so cute. He started working out with her and now he’s literally something else 😅😅 fostermonster555

Update

February 25, 2025, 1 1/2 months later

An update I made a month and a half ago. UnfortunatelyI can’t post it with the link. I got a lot of useful advice and opinions so I decided to go out with the guy who was overweight and I didn't know if this would cause an obstacle to my sexual attraction towards him.

The first date was perfect. He put so much energy into it that I decided to go out for a second one. There he kissed me and the truth is that I felt very nice but the sexual attraction had not yet clearly developed.

After a few dates the sexual attraction started. We eventually had sex and while the first time was very nice I didn't feel any "fireworks".

However my main criteria was how much he was making me laugh and that made me wanting to see him all the time. A month later things have come a long way. We are having sex 2-3 times a day... so sexual attraction is definately there, we are having a good time and we have both agreed that it's not just sexual and we want to start a relationship.

I feel safe, seen, that I am cared for and that things can be enthusiastic and pleasant, without drama, without crying, without negativity. I think about what I would have missed if I hadn't gone on that date.

So yes, if I can answer the question I asked almost 2 months ago, YES... physical attraction can be created and you don't have to feel it from the first minute. Just give the time and space to people they make you feel nice. You never know.. For now I feel so happy like I've hit the jackpot on dating.

Notable Comments:

Don't ever tell him that you thought he was ugly. Don't even give the slightest hint. Medical_Tutor_7749

Never said he was ugly. Actually i thought he was very handsome from the moment I saw him. I just didn’t feel any sexual attraction from the beginning and was scared that I won’t overcome this. Well… definitely got past this! [OOP]

I might be part of the minority for saying this but it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself for liking this guy. I mean, you can probably find the same compatibility with a guy you're actually into instead of trying to actively convince yourself, otherwise you wouldn't have posted this on reddit. Whatever your decision is, it's only a matter of time until someone else catches your eye and you'll have doubts. And then you'll convince yourself whether you actually like this guy or give the new one a chance. If the fireworks aren't there, no biggie. It doesn't make you a bad person. Personally, I wouldn't pursue something with someone I don't like that way no matter what effort they make. Waste of time. Dazzling_Breakfast46

Actually I couldn’t find this compatibility with anyone else. That’s the point. Otherwise I wouldn’t have had a doubt. It was very clear I didn’t want to date anyone, he just clicked. I was just scared that sexual attraction would not have developed as I didn’t feel it the night we met. But as one of my friend said, THANK GOD I DIDNT WANT TO JUMP ON HIM THE MOMENT I SAW HIM. That would have destroyed everything 🤣🤣

PS When you invest in people, do you really leave just because someone caught your eye? [OOP]

I mean before we met, I don’t think I’d be his first choice in a room full of random but really beautiful women. I may be the last 😂 I only care that NOW, after we created the connection, he makes me think that in that room I would be his first and only choice… [OOP]

I'm not the original poster.