My husband spent $10,000 on Pokémon slabs without telling me, forgot my birthday, and we are struggling financially. Am I overreacting for wanting a divorce?
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/VeiledVerdicts posting in r/TwoHotTakes
Ongoing as per OOP
1 update - Short
Original - 8th March 2025
Available on PullPush
Update - 10th March 2025
My husband spent $10,000 on Pokémon slabs without telling me, forgot my birthday, and we are struggling financially. Am I overreacting for wanting a divorce?
I just found out that my husband spent $10,000 on Pokémon slabs that he said were for Christmas and my birthday. I’m physically shaking. I had no idea he was spending that much. I assumed maybe $500 to $1,000 at most. When I checked our bank account and credit reports, I was shocked.
11 years together….
I called him, and he admitted to spending $10,000. The worst part is that these were not even cards I wanted or collections I am into. It was a nice thought, but I was not thrilled by them. To top it off, he completely forgot my birthday on the actual day. He did not say anything until halfway through the day, did not get me a card, flowers, coffee, or anything at all. Even when I suggested we celebrate over the weekend, he made no effort.
Financially, we are struggling. Our mortgage is $10,000 this month because of property taxes and home insurance. Our house is on the market, but it is not selling because of the high price tag; it’s already marked at the lowest we can go with no profit. We had just paid off all of his credit cards in December, bringing them down to 9 percent utilization so we could focus on paying off mine. My credit card debt is from necessary home repairs like replacing an electrical panel to prevent a fire and I had been putting groceries on there to protect our cash for mortgage payments, not random purchases.
At this point, I blocked his number and told him I want a divorce. He has always had a problem with saving money, and I feel completely disrespected and steamrolled especially given our financial situation.
Am I overreacting? I just need advice or a gut check because I feel like I have reached my breaking point.
Comments
kobadashi
i wouldn’t call this an overreaction. That was an incredibly selfish, incredibly idiotic thing for him to do
Tight-Shift5706
OP, guy here. GTFO!! Your husband is a financial Titanic! IMMEDIATELY, privately confer with a seasoned family law attorney to discuss your entitlements and alternatives regarding divorce. Document his financial misconduct. Seek that amount from his share of the marital assets.
sdbinnl
Sell the cards - stop waffling. Sell all/any cards. Collectibles are for those who can afford it, you two are not ready
Update - 2 days later
I want to start by apologizing to the community for deleting my original post. I’m sorry my edits and updates didn’t save under the moderator’s post. Seeing people claim it was fake was too much to bear at the time because this situation is very real to me. There was a lot of victim blaming, and that felt unfair. Please remember to be kind to those who post vulnerable experiences while seeking help during dark times.
What is a Pokémon slab? [see the photo above] A "Pokemon slab" refers to a plastic case, often called a "slab" in the collecting world, that encapsulates a graded Pokemon card, protecting it from damage while also displaying its condition and value, typically provided by a third-party card grading company like PSA, Beckett, or CGC; essentially, it's permanently sealed container that holds a professionally assessed Pokemon card, like an engagement ring appraisal.
Now for the update:
I am safe. I have contacted a lawyer. No matter what happens, I will continue protecting myself and making better decisions going forward. I also took screenshots and went through his phone completely. While we have no children together, we do have a decade and a lot of love for one another.
He was surprisingly open to giving up control and acknowledged his addiction. He admitted he always knew it was “something,” but as each new hobby came along, they became more and more expensive. He was not angry when I confronted him, but he did break down in tears.
We talked, and while I want to keep identifying details private, I can say that he is getting help, and I now have full financial control. He attended a meeting for Shoppers Anonymous, and we believe he has compulsive spending disorder. Thanks to this community, I realized how serious collector addiction can be. I would not have gone to a lawyer or even known where to start if it weren’t for the advice I received here. Reddit is honest and they know what’s up, that’s why I came here for help. Addiction is a long, difficult journey, and I will hold myself accountable to ensure I don’t ignore red flags.
Where we stand now:
• He has agreed to all my terms.
• I have full financial control.
• We will sell the cards
• He is working to sell other items from past hobbies.
• We will have weekly financial meetings
• He will go to individual therapy and meetings. We will go back to marriage counseling
*After reviewing the finances, it was actually $7,000 spent on cards, not $10,000. The other $3,000 were smaller charges like work lunches and Starbucks. That still adds up. We are working on selling the cards.
Other important changes:
• He has promised to be a better husband and stop acting like a child. He recognizes his behavior.
• He has also acknowledged that his selfishness has affected others areas of our life like in our support system, and he is working to change that.
• We both understand that this is a lifelong addiction that will require daily effort. We have to make that choice individually of how we want to proceed.
I know it’s easy to say, “just leave him.” But marriage is not that simple. Sometimes one partner is at 10% while the other is at 90%. Right now, he is at 10%. Two years ago, I was the one at 10%, and he stuck by me. He gave me the chance to change, and I did. Now it is my turn to offer him the same opportunity. I will not give him a second chance beyond this, but I believe everyone deserves at least one.
I’m not sure if I will post another update.
But if you are struggling, know that this community tells it like it is, but it also offers great support and resources. I wish the best for anyone going through hard times. Please remember to be kind to each other.
Comments
Cosmicshimmer
I hope it works out and he gets the help he needs.
JeepersCreepers74
I didn't see the original post but appreciate the update. As you said, marriage is a partnership where you see each other through ups and downs and not everything is a "leave him" situation. It's good he acknowledged his problem. Honestly, the saddest part of your update is that $3k of the amount spent was on dumb things like Starbucks; at least with the Slabs, you can sell them and hopefully recoup a good portion of your losses. It's a lesson to all of us in how the little things really add up. Good luck, OP!
OOP: I know. That $3,000 actually hit him harder. Thanks for your kind words, getting torn apart here. Can’t make people understand my perspective though.
dingdong6699
Why don't you post the slabs for sale on reddit? I am a buyer if the price is right, and I might be interested to have a slab connected with a reddit drama story. (Assuming they are PSA 10s is all I'd typically be interested in and hopefully so considering the amount.)
I'd also like to share one thing. I'm a gambler and have made bad decisions on occasion. I definitely have an addiction, but I keep it under control. I have never, in my life, spent outside of my means. I think about it often, used to be 24/7, but now it's down to maybe a few times per day, and I go find a way to scratch the itch in a controlled fashion. I buy poke slabs in sessions, if at all, and usually with bonus money. When I go to a poker table, I have agreed with myself that the absolute maximum I can lose is $400. If I lose the $400 in a session, that is it, I'm cooked, I say "I had a good time" and go home. I have a lot more disposable income than that, but will never do so. And if I do take that loss, I consider myself cooked for a month or so. I even make myself eat less, treat myself to less spoils than i would normally as a punishment for losing that money. It makes me feel like I've earned the right to go do it again once I feel like I've potentially saved the $400 back in other ways. Stocks- I do high volatility trading only. I'll put $1k every few months, if I lose it no big deal, but I'll usually swing up before swinging down, and have made some long term large gains doing that. So, having an addiction and self control, are two different things.
OOP: Someone messaged me a group so I’m looking into it. They are not all 10s or all psa unfortunately
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