How is your experience with Quiet BPD

I’ve been diagnosed with BPD before and my current psychiatrist thinks I definitely have tendencies. I’m struggling with believing whether or not I have BPD but if I do, I think I have Quiet BPD. I turn my anger in on myself when I become upset with somebody else. Then instead of exploding, I quietly loathe myself and SH and develop SI relatively quickly. I believe all my “friends” hate me and so I should hate them but at the same time, I’m so attached I can’t let them go, even though they’ve gone their own way without me. My mood fluctuates (at least, it did until I started my mood stabilizer) to where I can be cheerful during the day and then s*******l at night. I have a weed problem (I’m currently high) and BED. My therapist said I have anxious-avoidant attachment. I wanted to know what other people’s experiences were with Quiet BPD.