What's that sentence that is helping you to move on the most?
A few days ago I posted a question about if I should ask my ex why did she choose her new boyfriend.
The answers were all amazing and helpful, but some of them really got to me (in a nice sense).
Since I'm in this forum, time to time I always find "that message" that helps me to give one more step forward, so every post I write is helping me a lot to heal. "Those" messages of the last post were:
You should not ask, she devalued you. It’s a pathology.
Ok, here's the truth- she dated you because you didn't see red flags for what they were. You can educate yourself and fix that in the future.
Abusers don't look for partners. They look for victims. You were blinded by her looks and didn't know what abusers do or why they do it. You know better now. AKA looks are not enough and you can learn about patterns and cycles of abuse and not fall for it again.
Beautiful women with BPD will go through hundreds of men. It's absolutely not your fault this happened to you. If you didn't know that a berry was poisonous and someone you trusted gave you a lovely fruit salad, it's not your fault if you eat it. You just learn to recognize the poison.
It's hard to understand but think of it this way- she never noticed you. Ever. There was a cardboard cutout in front of you that was a mirror. It covered you completely. She interacted with the mirror alone- when she was happy she projected love and wonderfulness on that mirror. When she was angry, the opposite. It was never, ever personal and in some ways that hurts more but it's the truth.
You have to remember they are mentally ill. Nothing would have ever been enough. The new dude won't be enough and will be discarded as well. The cycle will continue, be glad you are out.
They need to start healing themselves. A relationship will not heal them. Nobody is responsible for their emotions or actions besides themselves. Most will not get any help or accept that they are the problem. My ex-wife always thought I was the problem. Me leaving the marriage didn't change her behavior. She had been married 4 times; I was number 4. She said every one of her ex's were to blame for the relationship's problems and divorces. I think she should look at the lowest common denominator, herself. She was the only one present in all 4 failed marriages, odds are that she was the problem.
Ofc I've been told those things with different words a lot of times! But sometimes it just clicks when is the right time. Do you have another messages that helped you a lot too?