I need help with this looming breakup.

I dated her for 2 years. I was doing well beforehand but during the relationship, I tried to kill myself 3 times. Descended into alcoholism. Lost friends.

Now I know I have responsibility in this. No one can control me like that. But the coincidence factor just doesn’t add up.

We split for three months. I was sober and did not consider suicide. We got back together and I relapse and am now obsessing over suicide.

Here is my question: do I do this because I can’t handle a relationship? Or is she actually destructive?

I’m losing my mind and I can’t make a decision.

Please Reddit, if you have experienced this, let me know I’m not alone.

TLDR: I destroy myself with her.