letter to my ex

It’s been almost a year and I want to tell you things.

I moved cities and changed jobs several times to try and feel human again. I’ve written a few things that I think you’d find funny or good with some editing. I went through cycles of hating and loving the things we had in common, of trying to imagine a life without them at all or with only them. My new year’s resolution was to quit the rest of my vices- it’s not something you ever asked for but I was never my best when I drank or smoked. Ive flinched at the possibility of seeing you, but also gotten really warm and happy believing I would see you at the Italian place from the day I asked for us to be official. Mainly, I never stopped thinking of you, and I’ve tried. I’ve wanted to, you hurt me, we hurt each other and yet I still would’ve done anything for you. Part of me still thinks I could. It still hurts accepting that you’re not the one, but it’s been a year and I’ve not heard from you once. This far down the line, I’m not sure what I would do if I saw you- a flurry of excitement, pain, uncertainty. Possibility, finality. I don’t know what I want from you- another chance? to never see you again? Either way, you’re on my mind and I wish you love, happy new year.