I can't get over her

I am a lesbian. I dated this girl, let's call her Rose, in June. We only dated for a month, but throughout that time I was so happy. I was ecstatic to have my first girlfriend and she was so beautiful, funny, understanding, and smart. It was all I'd ever wished for. We had sleepovers at my house, and we never went farther than kissing and cuddling. We both have some mental health problems, so we understood each other and talked about it from time to time. Rose broke up with me at the end of June. She said that she didn't think she was ready for a relationship and she wanted to remain friends. I told her I understood, and I was really depressed about it, but I kept my distance and respected her boundaries.

School came around again and we had a class together, and we were sort of friends but after a few weeks we drifted apart again and settled into no contact. At first after we stopped talking, I absolutely hated her and used any excuse to make her the villain in my head. The problem was I couldn't stop thinking about her.

So here I am through the months of I think November - January, and I had talked to a few girls, none of them going anywhere. A girl I used to go to school with reached out to me, and after talking for a couple weeks, we started dating. (She had moved 3 hours away the grade before)

I was really unsure about our relationship, but I thought I'd ease into it and get comfortable in no time. We only dated for a week though, and she broke up with me on Valentine's Day, something about long distance being too hard. Honestly, the girls I'd talked to before she and I dated hurted a lot more when they rejected me. I didn't really care about this recent breakup.

It did make me realize something. I was way too clingy with the people I'd liked. I texted them all the time, got insecure about dry messages, and constantly agonized if they secretly hated me. I also realized that I loved Rose so much. I'm still not over her, after almost a year. I think about her everyday, I see her in the halls everyday, even when I know she's been dating a new girl for almost 3 months. The problem is, they're such a perfect couple. Rose's new girlfriend looks so pure and kind, and I can't help but stare at pictures of them for so long. Rose looks so happy with her, and I feel nothing but yearning and agony. My grades are slipping, I'm depressed, my meds aren't doing anything, and I absolutely can't stand going to school and seeing the face I miss so much.

Why am I so miserable over a month long relationship from last year? She was my first girlfriend, my first kiss, but I shouldn't be this hung up about it. I try to think about her flaws, the way she rarely texted me throughout the day, the people pleasing tendencies she had, but I love her, and I have no idea why.

Trying to date new girls isn't helping. It feels fake. What do I do? I miss her.