Ruined my life.

(24M) My parents took my admission in CS after paying lakhs last year but I never appeared for any exams. Now, I'm repeating the year. I've been battling severe depression since I was 17. I took treatment for years- therapy, pills but nothing really helped.

Once the topper of my school, I've become what feels like a complete failure. I've even tried to end my life,but it seems I failed at that too. I can't bring myself to get up anymore; the will to do anything, even to live has left me. Idk if I can continue college, or if I'll even live long enough to finish it. The thought of earning my degree feels pointless now. After all these gap years, who would hire someone like me?! Sometimes I don't even know if I want to pursue this path at all.

I was once so ambitious and now I'm just lost. I don't think anyone has had this much of a gap in their education and I have no idea what to do. I feel empty and at times I'm overwelmed by guilt. Other times, I simply don't care.

Maybe this is the end for me..I don't knw anymore. But here I am, writing this bcos I needed to let it out..even Idk why..