seeing neurotypical people panic over the thought of dying is sobering and funny

just watched a video of a 30 year old youtuber panicking over being close to middle age (which is she 35 when you go by average life expectancy) and just chuckled. it’s just crazy how happy, non traumatized happy people cling to life. since before i was a teen i’ve wanted to die. i’m now in my 20s and still have never experienced happiness of euphoria, not being anxious or depressed, or felt any purpose. ofc death is scary for everyone, including me, but it’s wild to think about how most normal people have so much to lose when they die (loving friends & family, hobbies, purpose or goals) while i have none of that and really couldn’t care less if i’m gone