I got diagnosed last year and have only just accepted it.

I got diagnosed with c-ptsd last year. And have struggled ever since to accept it. At first I refused to believe the things that have happened to me through out my life had such an impact. Mainly because I felt shame like it was my fault I’m the way I am and if I had just coped better with the things that happened I wouldn’t have this illness. After getting diagnosed I ignored it. I moved away and stop receiving help because I didn’t want to deal with any of it. I just wanted to be okay. But everything is catching up with me, I am having episodes and clearly my coping mechanisms r making me worse. I’m in search of help. But with the way nhs is I’m all the way back at the bottom of the waiting list. Any advice to cope?