Struggling with Intrusive thoughts and Chastity
I've been suffering from some really awful intrusive thoughts that I want so desperately to be delivered from. Although it's been over two years since I watched pornography and haven't gone back to watching that fifth, I still feel it's effects in my life. Unfortunately, I consumed pornography involving gay women and for around a month or so some part of my subconscious mind just can't accept that the overwhelming majority of women are straight, nd thay God intended for all women tk be straight, even though I know it to be true. Even when I see married couples with children, the mere fact that I see women triggers these intrusive thoughts. It's even worse when I just see two women that happen to be together, my mind will instantly jump to the conclusion that they're gay. I hate that my mind comes to these false and gross conclusions, and I hate even more the thought this might never go away because I can imagine how devastating this would be when I try finding a woman to marry.
On an unrelated note, I've been struggling to avoid masturbation, but I don't go out of my way to engage in it. I will go to bed and wake up about an hour or so later feeling aroused and see and feel that I am engaging in the act, but I don't fully recognize what I'm doing until some time later. After having stopped watching pornography I stopped masturbating for almost two years, so I don't fully understand why I am doing this now. Any prayers, advice, and consolation would be greatly appreciated.