Why did you become interested in Columbine?

I know it's maybe a very personal question, so I more than understand if some people here are unwilling to share. I'm asking because it's a pretty important topic to me for a number of reasons, and I'm wondering if those reasons are similar for other people, and what other reasons the rest of you have.

My story is this. I'm not a teenager, I'm 43. But as a teenager I was severely bullied in school. I'm bipolar, I was only diagnosed when I was 28, and it didn't make things any easier when I was younger. I was a very troubled teenager, had huge problems with anger, impulse control and following the rules. And at some points I had a lot of violent fantasies about killing people in my school and destroying it. I didn't do anything, thank God, that was a long time ago, I've matured and aged, it's all behind me, but the whole ordeal traumatized me a lot. I was suicidal at many points of my life and it also influenced my interest in Columbine, I guess.

I have stumbled upon the Columbine story many times in my life. The first time was right after it happened. And I don't like it very much, but to be honest, after I learned more about the possible motives of the perpetrators, I thought it was all justified. Basically, I condoned it wholeheartedly. I even thought about doing something similar to my old shitty school (I was in another one at the time) and end my own struggles that way. Then years and years went by. At some points I returned to the story. I've read some books and watched some documentaries. I changed my attitude, of course, I don't think E&D did anything good by committing a massacre, obviously. But I can relate to them, especially Eric, more than I like to admit.

Late last year, the Reddit rabbit hole ate me, and here I am. Maybe it's my way of reflecting on my early experiences, because many of them were very traumatic and I never really processed them, even though I was in therapy for years.

That's basically it. I will be happy and grateful to hear about the path that led you here.