does it really not make a difference?

Just had a conversation with LL partner

"Do you realised that we've not been intimate for a while?"

"what do you mean? I get hard all the time,"

"While watching porn, I need you to get hard with me,"

"It's the same,"

"It's not the same. I am not a tool,"

"It's just faster that way,"

I need intimacy, closeness, desire. Not just a physical act. Am I crazy for feeling that it is completely different? Maybe men just feels differently?