first cry

to preface i do not have an ed, but have been developing some disordered behaviors as of late

anyway i just burst into frustrated tears over this for the first time tonight :’)

i’ve been with my family all day and am very very aware of the fact i’ve already eaten a bit more than my mom has today. the topic of dinner just came up and i had assumed we were eating together but my dad responded that us girls already had dinner :’) as in, the single empanadas we had at 3pm smaller than my palm

so i was like no? that wasn’t dinner?? and he was like “oh that wasn’t your dinner?” like, surprised. our roommate asked if i wanted some frozen pizza if he made some and my dad said, “oh there you go” like that solved it. but it doesn’t, because i know my mom won’t eat pizza with us!

so now i not only feel self conscious for still being hungry when i “already had dinner” but also am aware my mom is probably not going to eat anything else tonight and it’s just . i want to eat dinner but i can’t stand constantly eating in front of her when she doesn’t, it makes me feel so ashamed and want to cry every time