How to deal with having a relationship with a straight guy?

Anatomy and sex warning? Dysphoric thoughts.

So like me (21M) and my cis straight male friend (32M) have been talking online for a year and met up IRL for a week. We cuddled a lot, slept in the same bed, gave light kisses etc. Pretty much lived together for a week like an old married couple haha. We both agree we don't love love each other, but like we care and like each other.
Then the discussion of my gender identity came up because.... I am pre-op like everything and he is straight. I was mad at him that night when we discussed it. I don't remember the details, but I remember yelling, "then why are we even doing any of this shit if you don't care about the person in this (my) brain!". He did apologize the next day and offered to leave early back to his country, but of course he didn't have to. We have to talk about this and what not.
Next day we went on a walk after I cooled down. The whole walk I was thinking, "I wish I was normal. Why couldn't I just pretend to be a woman for the first 50 years of my life. I've lost so many potential relationships cause of this. Why is this happening again?" After a while, he decided he has been caring about the person on the other side of the screen this whole time, why should he care what's on the outside? We were tense the whole walk until I finally caved and begged him to hold my hand because I was so frustrated.

Everything worked out. He is okay with me being a guy, but we are interested in trying out bedroom things because things got a bit tense between us here and there. Ideally, I'd be visiting him in his country this year, but he keeps bringing up toys and making a heat map like where he can touch me and stuff. Which is very cool, but I am getting nervous and worried. I told him that at the end of the day, I just want to visit him. Like none of this is necessary or whatever if I just want to visit him. Both of us are virgins, btw. I've just done stuff online and it's been a mixed bag.

This morning, I honestly feel like I don't want to be touched at all. Like, I don't want to be seen as a woman in any sort of situation. He's attracted to women right so like if we do bedroom things, I am just a woman no? :( I feel like if he was also bisexual like me, I'd feel wayyyy better about the whole thing. I'm just tempted to tell him that it's totally off the table, but also I wouldn't be surprised if we got turned on while cuddling again and such. I don't want to make him feel bad for being attracted to me physically tho because I get it, I am pre-op.

And like this morning I sent him cool art of men and such and there was a thing about man boobs, and he was like "but I am not interested in man boobs" and well uh- I am a man. Do yall get what I mean??

Soooo what do I do? Should I just ask to stop talking about this? But I want to visit him and not break things off. Everything has been fine until I become dysphoric and insecure about my sexuality and masculinity and stuff...