My journey so far as a devotee

Hi everyone, long time lurker, first time poster

Although I always felt a calling towards the gods, I always had fears in what related to converting. I remember one of the first books I read being one about the gods and the legendary heroes of ancient Greece, and how fascinating it all was, and how deeply I connected to it.

I was raised Christian, and I tried to be a good follower up until I was around 13, where I became an edgy atheist, claiming all religions were stupid and the root of all evil. Despite this, I always found all religions fascinating from what I know call an anthropological point of view. And my interest for the Hellenistic Pantheon persisted.

When I was in college in my first bachelor's (that I dropped) I had a class about religion and chose to do my final project on an old religion, and I learned that people today still followed hellenism. Still I was too afraid to look to much into it. A fear of people thinking I was looking to be "unique" or "edgy".

Now, recently, while going through an extremely rough patch, I needed something to hold on to. I thought about the gods, and it felt silly, turn to religion on times of despair, it felt beneath me in a way. And then while sending a job application for something I desperately wanted I lit a candle and prayed. Not in the "proper way", but it was an honest prayer directed to all the Olympian gods. And then I landed a job I hated. Right before my actual contract started, I got into the job I had wished for. I immediately stopped the training for the job I disliked and 2 weeks later I started the job I'm currently at.

I didn't even know how to properly thank the gods, so I had to search online, I found books, post of other believers, helpful tips on how to start and what to know. I truly felt connected.

To me, after a few traumatizing years in Christianity, living in fear of being wrong, of disappointing God, of feeling constantly watched and dirty for existing, Hellenistic polytheism feels so different, so freeing. I worship from a place of appreciation, love and genuine happiness. I pray to the gods to thank them more than to ask them for things or forgiveness.

I still have a lot to learn, I want to be better every single day. But not out of fear of being wrong, but because I want to do right by the gods and fellow devotees who have given me so much.

Thank you for listening to me, I genuinely felt the need to share this thoughts, and as someone who practices in secret, I couldn't think of a better place to share :) and double thank you for all the resources and help you are all constantly offering, I cannot tell you how much I truly appreciate it.