Healing from parents homophobia

Not sure if this is the right place to share this but i want to rant and get some advice. A couple years ago i was dating for the first time and it was a girl, when my parents found out they made my life hell, and I think it deeply traumatized me. They put me in conversion therapy (thankfully it was virtual since it was through a religious psychologist in our home country and was easy to ignore), they’d follow me, tell me there’s a demon inside of me and in the house, show up if I was at a Walgreens or Walmart to whatever aisle I was (my guess is to see if they can catch me with my ex), they’d call my school and teachers, show up at school, almost sent me to my home country (I found a job before they were able to send me away to stay here since they didn’t know I knew), read my diaries, went through my stuff, wake me up in the middle of the night for prayer, and so many other things. I know these might not seem like a big deal since I was never kicked out, and they only went as far as to threaten to hit me but never did, but all this together left me in a deep state of paranoia and high levels of trust issues, really high lol. This happened when I was 16 and I am about to turn 20 in a couple of months and every time they trigger me in any way I cry as if it all just happened yesterday. I went years without sleeping right as I would wake up in the middle of the night and check my screen time to see if they’ve used my phone (I would memorize the times before bed to make sure they didn’t change), I always felt watched and thought every car that was driving near me for too long was then even if it wasn’t our car, I would have visions of them walking on the sidewalks of any street I was driving on and freak out and sometimes rapidly break out of fear, I thought they had an PI on me and ALWAYS felt watched. At the end of 2023 my ex broke up with me and after around 8 months I realized how badly I was sleeping and this constant state of paranoia was wearing off and finally realized the way I was living was not normal. Today my sister, my mom and I watched a love movie where the characters committed a “sin”, my mom rotted for them saying it was ok, I know these are fictional characters but it made me so upset and sad since she only felt it was acceptable be theyre straight. My parents have rooted for one of my siblings toxic relationships but would not root for my, at the time really healthy, gay relationship. A couple of days ago my mom made a comment abt how she was scared to have “hijos maricones” which is faggot in Spanish, in front of me at a family gathering. All of this makes me so upset every time it happens since they make a homophobic comment at least once a week. and makes me feel jealous of my siblings which I hate since I have never been a jealous person and I hate that the people I feel jealous of are my siblings since my parents are always rooting for their love like I wish they did with mine. With all of this, and so much more unsaid, I am just lost, I don’t know what else to do to move on from my parents homophobia. I have come to terms with the fact that due to their religion they thought they were doing the right thing but I can’t shake that they did not care about my well being at all. When they found out they went through all my stuff including a journal where I expressed my suicidal thoughts abt knowing they won’t accept me and my SH addiction, they knew about this, acted like they didn’t, but still didn’t care and pushed me further to depression and a SH addiction ( I am now over a year clean but still suicidal ever since). I have tried many things to get over it like journaling, reading, watching videos about others experiences, and doing what I now regret the most, which is talking to them about it. I am highly un-confrontational and this was something I thought for over a year before finally doing it and it just ended up hurting more since they have not changed their mind at all. I tried to get mentally ready to hear them stand on their opinions and I thought I was ready but I was not. I am at a loss for where to go to move on from the hurt they have caused and I am tired of being suicidal, I have no clue what to do to make myself feel better.