My fourth and final retrieval resulted in 3 abnormal embryos - I could scream

I've been in the IVF grind since just after my 42nd birthday. My 1st retrieval got me 1 LLM and 3 abnormals, my 2nd should have been canceled & was a bust, my 3rd got me 2 abnormals (those were unfortunately thrown out) and now, my last, where I gave it absolutely every single lifestyle tweak imaginably for 6 months (just that long bc of CCRM's schedule at Lone Tree) and I have NOTHING to show for it. out of all the retrievals, I had 38 eggs retrieved in all, 9 blasts made, and I am DEVASTATED. Yes, I am still going to transfer my only LLM, and no I dont know what Im going to do with the 6 abnormals I have- I wish I had done a fresh transfer this final cycle. I was talked out of it by my doc who led me to believe I'd get anywhere from 4-6 embryos- and I thought with that many, I should test. To only have walked away with 3 embryos out of my best cycle of 13 eggs retrieved and 9 mature- is just HEARTBREAKING. I cant believe how much money I spent on all the stupid things that they said would help, I cant believe all the mantras I said, I cant believe all the time i spent researching what else might help. I AM SO ANGRY AT THIS ENTIRE PROCESS IT FEELS SO UNBELIEVABLY CRUEL.