I broke up with my Girlfriend and I regret it.

Hello. I’m sorry if this is sloppy but I’m in my feels right now.

I’m a 20 year old male. I dated my ex girlfriend for 2, almost 3 years. She was my everything. Everything I did was for her to get the things she wanted. She grew up in poverty and couldn’t experience things others could. During the break up, I was in the middle of a big job transition and I was overwhelmed, over stimulated, and just anxious. I couldn’t let her see me like that because she was my world. My dumbass decided it was best to not get in her way and end things so she could be happier with someone else. It takes months for me to process things and it’s all been hitting me hard for the past week. I couldn’t notice it then, but I haven’t eaten a full meal or sleep more than 4 hours for the past 2 months. I fucked up incredibly bad. Everything I’ve done has been for her and now I have no purpose. I talked to her today about it and how I just couldn’t live with myself because of my actions. I’m a horrible person and she’s the only person I see. I get sick talking to any other female besides her even if it’s just for work purposes or everyday things.

I told her why I broke up with her, why I did this to her, why I was talking to her again. She moved on very fast and is in a relationship with someone else. It hurts so much. I would give anything in the world to see her face again. I dream about her. I dream about our dates, the memories we made together. I can’t see myself moving on from her for years and years to come. I’m the type of person to move on fast and not become emotionally attached to someone, but she is different. I’d do anything in the world to see her in my arms again. I can’t live with myself and the way I went about it. A broken heart hurts but this, this is more than that. She was my world. I know before you guys comment and say “I’m young and I have a whole life to live” but man, she was my rock. I’d spend a lifetime waiting for her just to be able to call her mine again. I talked to her about how I felt and I don’t want her to take me back in if the person she’s with makes her happier. But damn, I sure hope she does. She says she needs to think about it and that the person she’s with hasn’t made her happier than I have yet. I lost her trust, broke her down to skin and bones and made her feel unlovable and replaceable. I acted pure out of emotion when we ended things and I know I can’t replace what we once had. I just want to see her again. I fucking hurt. It hurts so bad I don’t want to get up. She said that she needs to think about it and that she wished I talked to her a month ago because she would have taken me back. She said she still loves me and only wants what’s best for me. I don’t want anything more in this world than her. I couldn’t realize how she made me feel during our relationship until it was over.

I’m in search for advice weather I should wait for her response or if I should accept that I fucked up and try to live with myself. Deep down, I hope she responds with a come back text. In anyone’s experience has this ever happened to someone else? I’m so hurt that I can’t see anyone else. I physically ache, I can’t feel my hands at times. I’m dizzy just thinking about it. I went to all of our pervious date spots and cried. I bawled in every single spot. I can’t feel anything anymore besides hurt and disgust in myself. I know she hurts more than I do, but damn this fucking hurts. A couple nights ago, I got off at 10pm and had to be back into work at 2 am. I have an hour drive home. I found myself stopping at the place we started our journey together. I sat there until I had to go. Just crying. I cried so hard, nothing came out after a point. Should I not give up and try to get her back? Or should I try to live with my actions? Thank you.