Stuck

I have a job and dont get me wrong the people are Great and I have greta friends a loving family but if I take time to rest or if I’m not making money or not being productive I feel useless and it has built so much and the negative thoughts are always there they are just quiet but tonight they got loud and I really wanna relapse but I know I shouldn’t I tried the ice cube thing it didn’t help talking to friends didn’t help I’m going to try to distract myself with YouTube but I can’t keep going like this is feel like shit I know nothing will change if I don’t but I …..wish my old attempt was successful