classic manipulation common in emotionally immature, abusive males
when a male acts in inconsiderate ways and you point out to him that he has hurt your feelings, and his reaction is to either sob hysterically, blow up, and walk out on you - this is classic manipulation designed to silence you, so he can continue his inconsiderate behavior. this is learned behavior from childhood, a two year old uses the same tactics because they work. this behavior works to train you because you won't be motivated to speak up about his inconsiderate ways, because you know he will not meet you with emotional attunement, curiosity, or empathy, just a tantrum - because his ego is fragile and he feels attacked when you hold up a mirror.
if after he sobs like an infant, you are forced to comfort him, or after he walks out on you, you are the one forced to reach out to him - this is manipulation designed for him to appear to be the one hurting even though the original complaint was about his inconsiderate behavior that hurt you; you pointing it out to him, makes him the True Victim.
if you react to the aforementioned manipulation by going through the motions: comfort him, reach out to him to smooth it over, and he sweeps your original complaint under the rug - this is manipulation designed to deflect and never actually address your original complaint. the focus now is his hurt feelings, not yours. this is classic blame-shifting manipulation.
a healthy integrated and emotionally mature male will respond to your complaint with curiosity and empathy. an unhealthy unintegrated egoistic male will cry like a baby, feel attacked, run away, and never address your feelings. most males are in this category.
many women display similar emotionally immature manipulative behaviors, but men are often socialized to externalize their "distress" (being told their behavior is hurtful distresses them) through avoidance, anger, or self-victimization, while women are more likely to internalize and express it through passive aggression, guilt-tripping, or martyrdom. both are manipulative, but they manifest differently.
if you find yourself constantly managing someone else’s emotional reactions instead of having your own feelings acknowledged, you are in a dynamic where your emotional needs will never be met. the only way to "win" is to stop playing.
you cannot teach emotional maturity to someone who weaponizes their emotions to avoid accountability. emotional attunement is either there or it isn’t.
if this dynamic feels familiar, it’s time to ask yourself: are you willing to keep prioritizing their comfort over your own truth? because an emotionally mature partner won’t make you choose!!
i won't reply to any comments that lack intelligible in-depth responses. any tantrums, defensiveness, blowing up at me, name-calling will be ignored and should be seen as a perfect example of the content of this post and exposes their fragility.