"You Could Have Said Something" - Every. Single. Time.

Every time I tell my husband that I’m sad because he didn’t follow through on something he promised, he responds with, “You Could Have Said Something”

Last example:
I come home stressed after a exhausting family gathering.
He asks, “What do you need right now?”
I answer (even though I already know I should pick something that doesn’t involve him, but I wanted to be honest in that moment): “A massage would be nice.”
He says, “I don’t have time right now, but I’d be happy to do it later.”
I reply (I know, I could have phrased it differently, or maybe not said anything at all, but this is based on years of experience with him in this area): “You’re going to forget.”
Him: “No, I won’t. I promise.”

And what happens? - Nothing. I sit on the couch all evening, watching TV, and he never brings it up again. Not that night, not for the next one and a half weeks.

Then, two days ago, I came home, really angry about something else. Somewhere in the middle of our conversation, he asks, “What do you need?” - and suddenly, everything comes rushing back. I tell him I’m mad that he forgot about the massage, even though he specifically said he wouldn’t.
His response: “I didn’t forget! I even thought about it the next day!”

I definitely asked him why he didn’t say anything then, but I honestly can’t remember what his answer was.Then he adds, “You could have reminded me! If you had, I definitely would have given you a massage.”

After that, he wanted to lie down for a bit (it was his lunch break), and on his way to the couch, he throws out an “I’m sorry” in a loud, annoyed tone. To me, that’s not an apology.

The thing is.. If this happened once, twice, even three times - I would have reminded him! It wouldn’t have been an issue. But it happens all the time!
Different things, same excuse: “You could have said something.” Sex? If I don’t initiate, it doesn’t happen - because “You could have said something.” Going out to eat? I love it, but if I don’t suggest it, we never go - because “You could have said something.”

I’ve told him a thousand times that I wish he’d take more initiative. Every time, he promises he’ll work on it. But nothing changes.

And when I finally bring it up months later, I get the same answer: “You could have said something.”

I feel like I’m losing my mind. At this point, I’m even thinking about divorce. I feel like all his effort - his time, his emotions, his mental energy - goes into his work and hobbies. And I? I feel completely unseen and unheard. He tells me he loves me all the time, but words aren’t enough.I feel like our marriage is falling apart, and he doesn’t even see it.We even tried couples therapy. For a short time, things got better, but it never lasted. And to be honest, we have other communication problems too - but that’s another story.

TL;DR: My husband constantly forgets things he promises and then blames me for not reminding him. It happens all the time - whether it’s massages, initiating intimacy, or planning dates. I’ve told him countless times that I wish he’d take more initiative, and he always says he will, but nothing changes. Now I feel unseen, unheard, and exhausted. I’m even considering divorce because I feel like all his effort goes into his work and hobbies, while our marriage is falling apart - and he doesn’t even realize it.