My daughter threw up in the wal-mart checkout line yesterday. And it hit me that I am not doing ok.

I found myself in Walmart yesterday, a newly divorced coparenting mom of two (6 and 9), with my sweet daughter projectile vomiting on my boots in the checkout line.

Everyone’s staring. She’s crying. I’m holding her hair back, holding my youngest by the hand. And I’m holding on inside by a thread.

My kids have been sick with colds on and off for the past month - sleep is a joke. I ended up with PPD after my youngest was born directly correlating to lack of sleep, so sleeping decently is really important to maintaining my mental health. When they’re sick, it ain’t happening. And I can’t seem to catch up.

They hate coming to my house because I’m “stricter” than dad. It feels often like the time they’re with me is just asking when they can go back “home” and it breaks me.

Dad has video games, and toys, and a new car, and family nearby.

Mommy has a house in the shitty part of town with nothing from her former life and no ability to begin building again because the divorce settlement is being dragged out.

I was a stay at home mom for 8 years before this divorce, and I felt so close to them for those years.

Now, I feel like I’m losing them. It’s unbearable.

I’m 99 percent sure my youngest will end up with an adhd diagnosis at some point (because I have it and the signs are all very clear to me), and the tantrums, the zero to 60 emotions, the constant redirecting…. I just cannot keep up or keep patient and perfect.

Not to mention, I also work full time.

I don’t know how to do this. I feel every day like I’m failing. Over and over and over again. And there’s no rest. No respite.

Please, any other divorced moms who have been here - how do I get out of this failure headspace?

I know I’m a good mom. I’m not perfect, but I love my kids.

I just don’t know how to feel successful. Or how to feel like “less than” in this coparenting dynamic.

That was a long vent. I needed it. Sorry.

ETA: you are amazing. I thought I’d maybe get two comments to brighten my spirits. Y’all showed UP. Moms are amazing. Every one of you is amazing. Thank you for sharing your stories and words of encouragement. I am blown away.