Confused about nikkah and weather I'll find a spouse or not.

Yes, I am genuinely confused to the point that nothing makes sense anymore.

I’ve personally never really wanted to get married. Believe me when I say this—I never saw myself as someone who would get married. I have my own shortcomings, and whenever I pictured myself as a man who would get married, I could never see myself fitting into that image. I’m lazy, I don’t think I’m physically attractive (Ugly), I’m overweight, I have a tendency to forget things, and I struggle with staying consistent in my religious practices (which sometimes makes me feel like a hypocrite) etc.

However, due to some unhealthy habit of masturbation and porn addiction, I decided I wanted to leave those behind and do what is halal. So, I told my parents that I wanted to get married. They were shocked to hear that from me because, in the past, I would dodge questions about marriage and had clearly told them I wasn’t interested. I even explained my reasons for not wanting to get married. But once I told them my decision, they immediately began looking for a potential spouse for me.

However, things didn’t go as smoothly as I hoped. I met with about 3 or 4 women—each of them were virgins and really dedicated to the Islam. But, honestly, I found them to be less attractive than I am (and please don’t take this the wrong way, I hold no grudges or disrespect toward women; I’m just trying to share my perspective). I’m not looking for an actress or a supermodel, but I just wanted someone who’s on a similar level to me. Hypothetically speaking, if I were to lose weight, I wouldn’t consider myself unattractive, so you get where I’m coming from. As a result, I ended up turning them down. I even tried using Muslim dating apps, but they weren’t great either. The gender imbalance on those apps is staggering—there are about 100 men for every 25 women. So, yes, I still haven’t found a spouse, but I’m hopeful that I’ll meet someone good in the future.

Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of posts about people who are unhappy in their marriages, and it’s made me question whether getting married is still worth it. I’m afraid of getting into something that could end badly, and I really don’t want to go down that road.

Please, I would really appreciate your thoughts on this matter.