Guilt over liking the power dynamics

Is anyone else here submissive to a fault and feeling guilty about it? I loved the power dynamics between us and how controlling and obsessive he was with me. I almost feel guilty for it though because I liked his hands around my neck in the bedroom if you know what I mean… but he exploited that desire and strangled me for speaking up to him outside of the bedroom. I like being hurt sexually and he felt that this justified the abuse he would make me endure on a daily basis. He has said things like “I’d grab your throat because I thought it would turn you on and change our argument from fighting to having sex.”

Please somebody help me make sense of this. I feel like my brain is broken.