FUCK OCD

I hate this disease so fucking much, a few months ago i was so convinced i was a pedo, I couldn’t go outside and felt just so horrible, i finally got a good therapist and felt a little better and i finally felt like i was making progress, i was starting to enjoy things and enjoy life again and then my brain asked me “what if you’re gay” and everything just fucking started again, the anxiety attacks, the constant thinking, the stress, everything came back, i just want to enjoy life. This theme is so much less taboo so its easier for me to say “yeah i might like men” but my fucking brain wants to keep doubting, it tells me “you like dicks” and i’m like yeah i think i do, then its like “actually here’s some proof you probably don’t like them” and i’m like “oh yeah it makes sense i probably don’t” then it tells me “but heres proof you might like them” and it keeps going, even when i accept “yeah i might like it” IT STAYS THERE, i can’t deal with this shit anymore i hate it so much just tell me what the fuck i really am and let me deal with it, i hate everything and i’m so done with this shit honestly