this is gonna sound silly but...hot take: the apostle peter had borderline personality disorder and it makes me happy to think of him like that

hi, i'm an autistic, adhd christian who very much, in all likelihood, has borderline personality disorder.

what is borderline personality disorder?

according to bpd demystified, a website dedicated to eliminating the stigma of bpd, bpd is a disorder that involves difficulties in four symptom domains; domain a.), which involves unstable, excessive, and poorly regulated emotions, domain b.), which involves impulsive behaviors that are harmful to you or others, domain c.) inaccurate perceptions of yourself and others, as well as high levels of suspiciousness, and finally, domain d.) tumultuous and unstable relationships. now, i haven't done a DEEP dive on the bible verses the apostle peter was present, but i do know i at least had bpd traits since i was in middle school, and that's the time when i first started feeling like i was similar to the apostle peter in some way.

the symptoms he shows, imo, are affective instability, including intense, episodic emotional anguish, panic attacks, and irritability (which suffering is kinda part of a lot of the peter parts of the bible, and he suffers a LOT of those things from my memory), anger that is intense or difficult to control (he has that in SPADES), marked impulsivity that is damaging to himself and others (betraying jesus out of impulse), if i remember correctly, a persistent unstable self image or sense of self, suspiciousness of others around him (he shows that FREQUENTLY in bible verses with him as the center), and intense relationships that alternate between idealization and devaluation (idealizing jesus, in many characterizations of him in biblical fiction he HEAVILY devalues judas which is pretty in character for peter to do, as he'd probably be pretty suspicious of those who he thinks aren't "good enough" for jesus in the beginning). so like...6/9 symptoms, one symptom criteria above the level one needs to be considered borderline.

i know this may be controversial but i just feel happy imagining peter as borderline (and also likely adhd) like i am, because then it makes me realize that my disorders AREN'T defects or solely the result of horrible trauma, but god-given gifts that god can use so i can help people, just like he used peter :)

thank you for listening to my craziness.