Ovulation depression & luteal anger

So, I’m reaching out because I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m taking a break with drinking, on ssri’s for my anxiety during pmdd, can’t lose weight even though I’m doing great weight training and Pilates, my winter jacket is tighter in my thighs (and it’s my fat jacket that’s long to my thighs), I’m eating much better. But now I’m depressed during ovulation and having light-medium brown blood spotting. Then once the spotting stops the rage starts, I can’t think straight, everything around me seems so hard and my temper is insane! Every thought is dark and the endless ideations of “what’s the point, I should just di3.” Currently, in ovulation and I upset my boyfriend with a comment and he told me and my first thought was, why am I even trying, things will end some day anyway and might as well give up. I’m not motivated at work or on my side projects and don’t feel excited for anything. My home projects seem daunting and I’m so broke I have to buy gas with a credit card with these insane inflation prices. I’m lost and I don’t know how to get back. I keep thinking, what are ssri’s exactly doing if I still want to off myself?