Feel like life is passing me by

As an atheist I’m well aware that this life is all I’ve got. I think that makes this whole thing even harder as every year that goes by feeling numb 24/7 I know I can’t get back. I’ve been dealing with this for 6 years now and it’s gone by so fast, I look back at the last 6 years of my life and it feels so empty. I have barely achieved anything, the memories I’ve made hold no emotional reaction in my brain, it just feels like I’ve blinked and now I’m 30.

Most of my friends are settling down, starting families or getting married. Whereas I’m stuck in this ongoing nightmare, having to avoid questions at family or friend gatherings about whether I’m seeing anyone.

My 20’s are over now and I spent over half of my 20’s feeling void of any emotion or anything. This breaks my heart :( the worst thing is no one can relate and they wouldn’t understand so when people ask me if I’m dating anyone at the moment, it’s extremely triggering inside but on the outside I just make up some bullshit reason as to why I haven’t been dating recently.

I dread the thought of another 10 years passing me by and before I know it half my life is gone, all because I took a pill for 30 days given to me by a medical “professional”. This shit is so cruel.