Feeling so confused about my decision

Hi everyone,

I have been feeling incredibly poorly both mentally and physically, I really needed to open up in a community where I can hear the thoughts and experiences of other pregnant women.

I have a wonderful 22 month old daughter who is the absolute centre of our universe. Both I and my husband are debbie-downers, and I am also a massive worry-wart. So we are never fully behind any decision we make in life but having our daughter was the absolute best thing we have ever done. We are happily married and still very much in love after 8 years of being together.

Couple of weeks ago, out of the blue we found out we were pregnant. And literally five days after my period was due my morning sickness kicked in. We talked whether we were ready for this baby, if we ever wanted another child, or whether to terminate the pregnancy (as we did in the past with another unplanned pregnancy). We decided that we do want our child to have a sibling, as we both grew up as the only child, and that we love each other and want to have each other’s baby. So once we settled on that, I told my parents as we are very close. I was still not absolutely sure but I felt the need to declare my decision. I felt hopeful about the future of us having two children, our daughter bonding with her sibling and all that was my dream. Plus, my husband gets 6 months paternity leave and I am SAHM, so logistically it did not seem too scary. But right after the morning sickness kicked in, I got norovirus from my daughter. She recovered after vomiting for two days but I was absolutely gone. Vomitted more than ten times a day with full on diarrhoea absolutely took it out of me. I had norovirus two other times in the last year and it is a nightmare for me because I have coeliac and I get it so much worse.

Now recovering from norovirus, but jumping right back into full morning sickness where I still vomit a little, but nauseous with an insanely acidic stomach 24/7. I cannot enjoy anything. I cannot function unless I push myself real hard. I feel like such a burden and I feel like by being pregnant I’m stealing away from the precious time we have with my daughter as I cannot be ‘there’ even when I am physically there. I started to resent the current pregnancy, and I cannot cling onto the positives of having a second child because my perspective is completely blurred by sickness and not knowing how long it will last. I feel trapped in my body and I want to chicken out and end this pregnancy. But I also know that if I did not have severe morning sickness, I would not be doubting our decision this much and would be more at peace with the idea of bringing a new child into our family.

I feel like I am betraying my daughter. I do not want to deprive her of any attention, and feel like having a second child is already doing that and will force her to share our attention even more in the future.

My husband is incredibly supportive and is looking after our daughter while juggling work and chores as I lay being ill and useless. He is a very involved father even when I am fully functioning, and even takes her in the morning before work so I can have a lie in. I feel like I am being a massive burden to him too.

Welcoming your opinions, experiences and everything else as I’m feeling so low and lonely, and also angry at myself.

Thanks!