email to previous manager

Encouraged by the feedback I just posted on:

https://www.reddit.com/r/careeradvice/comments/1hkmvui/i_regret_quiting_my_job_and_now_i_want_it_back/

I edited this:

"

I am writing to express my gratitude for the opportunity you granted me to be part of your team in the past months.

Unfortunately I had to make the difficult decision to leave and disappoint you, due to a family personal health issue at that time,  that popped up unexpectedly the very last few weeks of my employment at "agency_name", and it required my full immediate attention. 

Now that my circumstances have permanently changed, I'm hoping I could be considered for future opportunities if any arise.

"

Not to detail much about my personal life, I blamed "health issue"

Having doubts in my ability in language arts, opinion/ suggestion is greatly appreciated