Is my T done with me?

Have been seeing T for 4 years. I started seeing her every 2 weeks and working on CBT. For the 1st 3.5 years I was, what I would consider, a fairly easy client. Stable, I show up and do work and don't ask for anything outside of scheduled sessions. About 4 months ago my depression and PTSD began to spiral and my life got messy. I was feeling extremely suicidal and even went to the hospital for an overdose.I reached out to my T seeking support and asking for more therapy. At 1st she was accommodating. I made some huge mistakes during this time, I showed up to session drunk and she caught me drinking in session. I also texted her outside of session, perhaps abusing a boundry. She told me she wasn't mad about any of this and that she was concerned for me. But I could feel her pulling away. About a month ago, things at my work became extremely hectic and my availability for sessions became tight. I asked her about days and times and she said she had nothing available. It made me feel some kind of way, so I just sort of decided to drop it and focus on work. Which is what I've been doing. I haven't contacted her and she hasn't contacted me. I feel a bit weird that she knows how bad my SI has been and that I've had no contact with her for a month and she hasn't even checked in with me. Yesterday I did an intake with a new therapist because I still need support. But I felt resentful of seeing the new therapist, because I'm not really ready to move on. But I don't know, did me and my T "break up"? For some reason, I have this block in my mind about contacting her. I feel like I need to give her space from me, but it's also weighing so heavily on my mind. Anyone have perspective on this?