Pretty sure my husband is cheating
I'm currently on a long weekend trip with my husband in a nice hotel for my birthday. Weve been out and splurging on us since thursday.
Last night, we were at a local attractions bar, having a wonderful time, and my husband pulled out his phone to snap a picture of us. A message notification popped up. The contact was saved as "little one," who I know he's texted before. In fact, 4 years ago, a week after our 7th anniversary, I found messages to another girl, and he drunkenly admitted to cheating on me then. In the aftermath, we separated for a couple of months, but I stupidly slept with him off and on and got pregnant. My little girl is now 2 and my absolute joy in life, especially when I never thought I'd have kids. We seemingly worked through our issues and stayed together. He's been a good dad, and overall life has been good, but I will admit I've never given him my full trust. November of 2023, I noticed a notification from this same contact, and have brought it up countless times to be ignored, gaslit, and told I don't know the whole story. When I get angry and call him a liar and a cheater, I'm met with tears and tales of regret and the toll his cheating has taken on him 🙄
Now, he knows what I saw on his phone last night, and refuses to talk or say anything about it. I've asked directly to only be ignored. I've been hugged and held all day, and in response I've been stoic and cold. I want to scream and cry and know the truth but I know I'll be made to be the bad guy, be the psycho, toxic, controlling bitch.
I need to leave, I already know, but financially it's difficult. He makes 3x what I do and has threatened to use my PPD/PPA against me. I have no friends, family is full of flakes, and I'm just stuck. But I'll do it, I'll get there.
If you've stayed for all this drivel, thanks. Solidarity to y'all folks dealing with shit in life and still being good people. I see you, I hear you and I am you.
ETA: I appreciate all the words, kind or not. I needed all of them. I asked to see the texts or I'm done and was told to "get a lawyer". I'm driving home tomorrow 6 hours to get my baby girl and I'm done. He can fuck all the way off. I hope only bad things happen to him. I deserve to show my baby girl better and so help me she won't ever settle for a copy of her father.
UPDATE because I'm a fucking idiot: He spent the whole night drinking, being cold and deflecting. At the hotel, I asked to see the messages, he deleted them and her number and gave me this phone. He didn't realize the trash folder is a thing. I copied her number to my phone, tried to not blame the woman because that happens a lot and asked if she knew we were still married. She told me to "grow the fuck up" and stop texting her. When he realized I had her number, he flipped and it got violent. I didn't call the police because we were 6 hours from home and I defended myself, so he has bruises too. I grabbed what I could and left town at 4 am, driving through the night. I picked up my daughter from my in laws and we just got home. He's apparently flying back and having his dad bring him by to get his truck and clothes. I'm at a loss, I want to cry. I've loved this man through all his lows amd now I'm alone at mine.