Feeling really down

This week is a lot. I’m 11 or 12 DPO and I just feel I am out already. I was so hopeful for this cycle. It was our last cycle for a 2025 baby. But after serial testing the past few days I’ve just got a feeling I’m out. We’ve been TTC since June last year, but due to my super long cycles we’ve only had about 5 cycles to actually attempt TTC. Our 3rd cycle was successful, but unfortunately ended in a MMC at 10 weeks. Mother’s Day is this Sunday and I’ll probably be on my period which feels like such a cruel joke. I’ve been crying all day just at the thought that I will only likely ovulate again at the end of April. It seems ages away. I hate TTC with long and irregular cycles. I hate that it’s taking over my life. I used to be so happy and enjoy life so much. I feel like I don’t enjoy anything anymore. Even getting out of bed some days feels like too much and I have to really force myself.