Keys.

Keys.

You want me to find the keys, do you?

That’s why you made this group chat? With all our other family members? Or is it about control, dominance, having power over me? You saw that your hold over me was slipping, and that INFURIATED you, it was unacceptable. So you decided to triangulate, humiliate me in front of our other family members by bringing up what I’d done wrong, just so you could communicate to me not to defy you. I didn’t even lose your key, but you thought I did, didn’t you? You always thing it’s others who are the issue. But I‘m not falling for it. I may have as a kid, but not now. Hell, even when I was a teen, I caught on. I SAW you, your tactics, because I was the primary target of your abuse, the scapegoat.. and of course, you turned our entire family against me, making me look like the villain, gaslighting your own child, just for standing up to you, just for calling you out, but now I finally see what I hadn’t at that age.. the fear in your eyes, in your voice as your precious ego is threatened.. because that’s all you’ve ever loved, isn’t it? Your ego. You’re afraid that you don’t have power over me. You’d rather make everyone hate me, a then-CHILD, than actually admit, even ONCE, that you were wrong.

you think you’re a victim, poor old you, sick and tired of us seething, wretched spawn always “losing [your] shit.” You can find anything in this house anymore! Every day you come home from work, after working your ass off, and it’s a mess! All day, we sit on our asses on our phones, or tablets, or whatever, meanwhile.. you can’t even make dinner when you need to.

Or, that’s how YOU see it. That’s exactly what you’d say if I dared even challenge you. But I wont. I don’t want to risk everything over this bullshit.

Never mind your children, who avoid you, your other depressed child who does nothing but stay in their room because they’re afraid of you. You traumatized all of us with your abuse, we all resent you, we all walk on eggshells near you, appeasing you, pretending we’re like you so we don’t fuel your rage, but yes you’re still a victim, aren’t you? yet you still insist, about your own sorry status as a victim, by yelling at me, slamming shit around as you do every single day, accusing me of mooching off of you as I sit on my lazy ass, meanwhile poor you works your ass off for eight hours while your stupid, incompetent depressed child who has AuDHD is totally, DEFINITELY, (and I’m totally NOT being sarcastic here) doing it to spite you. Because everything is about you, isn’t it?

who cares that I had a severe migraine, to the point where I was vomiting, have AuDHD and severe executive dysfunction, am at a low point in my life, but STILL, I try my best to contribute, there are days I miss, but I still try.. yet you don’t give a shit, do you. You never do.. like when mom is sick, or has panic attacks, and all you can do is huff, roll your eyes, because it’s inconveniencing you.. you even said it yourself, WHILE she was in the midst of a panic attack, that you found her annoying. I question if you love her at all, really. Especially after you said that you only sex as a release after work, akin to video games. And you don’t care about anyone, even if you hurt them terribly..
Like when.. and I FUCKING hate you for this, when I was 13, and couldn’t save my puppy from drowning after I put him in the lake,myou tried to ’REASSURE’ me by saying that oh, it’s OK! totally, fine because YOU once threw a cat at a wall, blood spattering out of its mouth, and it died. Because we’re totally the same! Let’s fucking bond over the death of an animal!
that was your fucking mindset? Really? That’s fucking abhorrent! you think I’m like you!

except im not. You did that fucking INTENTIONALLY. for YEARS I internalized that I was a monster for letting that happen, meanwhile you talked about fucking animal cruelty, WHILE I was grieving, as if it were fucking TUESDAY. I still carry intense trauma, eight years later, after that happened for something I did by ACCIDENT, and you didn’t give a damn about something you did on purpose, an utterly horrific act.

Worst of all, you tried to one up me with that story, while I was grieving, terrified, feeling immense guilt, because all you ever cared about was power. Yourself. Your ego.

so I’ll find your damn keys, but it’s not going to fix anything.

go fuck yourself.