Things I wish you knew when you left me

The day you left me was the most traumatizing thing that ever happened to me. But it didn’t just happen in a single day, you left me so many times, it became a cycle of me begging and chasing after you.

I always waited for the next time you wanted me. I always followed your terms. I cried, bled, and screamed but you never heard it.

We went back and forth—you blocking me, feeding me with your silence while I was begging for you to fix our relationship with me. I let you hurt me in the worst way possible just so I could make you stay.

When you said you didn’t love me anymore, that you’ve moved on, I thought I’d die. You broke my mind, heart, and soul, but I fought so hard to be alive. I kept reaching out—begging for a sincere apology, a closure where you showed that you truly cared, but your silence was louder than my screams when you left.

I stopped eating for days. I never left my bed for weeks. I lost my mind, wondering what I’ve done to deserve all the hell you gave me when all I wanted was to love you.

I will never understand how easy it was for you to leave me like it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you. I will never get how you could peacefully sleep at night knowing you’ve hurt someone this much.

I hope one day I forgive myself for everything that I did for you. I sent you a message but you never replied. All I wanted was a proper closure I never have to beg and an apology that you carefully thought about. Self awareness of all the shit you put me through.

And maybe you’d rather leave me in the dark than talk about us. I’ve always known you were an avoidant, but I still believed in you. I trusted you and thought maybe you could change if you saw my pain.

I don’t know how to move on from you.