is it normal to feel suicidal sometimes?

let me make this clear. i’m not at risk of hurting myself, i wouldn’t actually do it. i do think about killing myself a lot, and some days it’s all i can think about. but i know im too much of a pussy to actually do it.

i don’t enjoy anything in my life anymore. i don’t enjoy what im studying in college, i don’t enjoy drawing anymore, i just don’t ever have the motivation to do anything. when i have to do work for college i just become depressed and start to think about how much better everyone in my class is than me. you have to be talented otherwise what’s the point? what’s the point of making art if im not good at it? i only enjoy it if its good. and it never is. so now it’s become tedious, a chore.

there will always be someone better than me…i just don’t have much to live for. i’m seeing my favourite band this year, that’s why im staying alive. after that…i dunno. and there’s nothing else i’m good at, so ill just have to stick at it even if i don’t enjoy it.