gender and friendship is really frustrating at times

I want to be close to guys. regardless of whether or not I'm ever slightly attracted to them, when I say I want to be friends, I legitimately mean, hey, I want to be friends. I want close, meaningful friendships. I want to be as close to men as I am to women. I don't want to pursue or be pursued. I just want to have a connection with other human beings. people to spend time with and eat food with and share this life with.

the frustrating part is that, if a person is in a relationship, it's often considered a form of cheating to be close to someone of the adjacent gender. because I can't choose to be something else, there will always be this invisible wall between me and my guy friends when they get into relationships. I have to limit my time spent with other human beings. I have to weaken or even break the connection in order to not hurt another woman. no more deep conversations or spending hours together just shooting the shit or playing videogames into the wee hours of the morning.

but if I was a guy, I'd still have the same problem! I wouldn't be able to get as close to my gal friends as I want. that invisible wall would be just as tall and insurmountable. they'd probably think I was only their friend to get something precious from them. I wouldn't be able to sleep over at their houses or share a bed or hug them as tight as I want.

it's enough to make a gal start to resent the very concept of romance. it's enough to make a person want to just throw off their gender and not be anything, if that's what it would take. obviously, I can't do that, since gender's not a choice, so I'm just....stuck. stuck in a world that made rules around human connection that make me feel isolated from my friends.

it's really lonely, being a human. it feels like we put more pain on ourselves than we need to. I wish I could be something else.

EDIT: this has happened a few times. "I wouldn't be able to sleep over at their houses or share a bed or hug them as tight as I want." if I was a MAN, I wouldn't be able to do this with my FEMALE FRIENDS. I thought the surrounding paragraph gave plenty of context to this being the meaning. of course this is a boundary. it's reasonable, too. even me, who craves to treat women and men equally in all ways possible, can agree that this is a reasonable and sound boundary.

EDIT 2: no more input. nothing left to say that has not already been said