How to Stay Strong and file

I've been trying to leave my husband for years but we have 2 young kids. I really want to make a set plan and file in June. I'm struggling with going behind his back and getting things prepared, but he knows how bad it's been. He wants to keep trying but I am so emotionally beat at this point I just want to get out so I can finally heal and live again. The cycle of abuse just goes and goes and I finally realized it will never change, it will never stop. I do not want to live out the rest of my days in this cycle. It's so stressful and awful. How do I hold myself accountable and finally go?