Feeling awful about acne scars and marks

Backstory used to have severe acne , went to dermatologist who gave me double dose of antibiotics for ages and it didn’t helped and came back way worse after , I didn’t go on accutane due to mental health reasons so they and my family were hesitant for me to go on it . I managed to get it under control to now only get small breakouts , but now I’m left with scarring and marks everywhere and make me feel insecure and hopeless. Like today I was actually feeling good about my skin for once and went out with my friend but as day went on I felt worse and worse about my skin and saw it in the bathroom mirror of a public restroom in a place and instantly felt awful and then again in the restroom when went to a Nando’s and my skin looked so awful and scarred and my nose pores looked horrible and my face was just a mess and I felt so ugly . And it became very hard to enjoy myself after that even after being with one of my amazing mates . and then also seeing everyone around me have smooth clear skin made me feel like I was so different and disfigured and seeing my mate be able to take a snap of himself at any angle and look great where as if I took a snap from my phone from below my skin would look like scarred mess and feel ugly every time I look at myself in my phone camera . My skin has caused me so so much anxiety and my mental health has been awful and it ruined my ability to enjoy a lot in life and lead to me missing out on opportunities and fun . I also lost my amazing girlfriend of nearly 3 years who I loved because I let her down so much cause I let my insecurity about my skin depress me so much that she would always see me upset and was hard for me to go out and do stuff with her and I let her down alot leading to it weighing her down with my anxiety and worries .

So yeah im not doing very well and just kinda wanted to vent to something as feeling quite alone in my thoughts and just very sad about a lot and maybe had my skin been diffrent I wouldn’t be as sad as I am now , and maybe still would be with the girl I loved :( .