trans bartending rant

so i (22, ftm) have been bartending for about 3 years now. in that time i have about 4 different bars under my belt. the first two jobs, i got largely for looking feminine. i would do my makeup, wear super tight clothes, and leave with super fat pockets of tips, but insane amounts of sexual harassment. i am really passionate about the art of bartending, put regulars together really quickly and built a nearly encyclopedic knowledge of whatever each job paid me to know. i’ve been the highest paid at every job i’ve had after 3 months. i quit 1 job for wage theft, was fired from 1 in retaliation for reporting wage theft (after receiving my settlement), quit one over daily increasingly violent sexual harassment, and am currently working at a bar that does not pay well due to little foot traffic but treats me wonderfully. since making an effort to look more masculine, my pay has plummeted. i’m looking for a stable job that treats me well, doesn’t have to respect me but let’s me in to prove myself and pays half decent but they all keep turning me away and on my way out i see the bartender always hyper feminine. so i went to the gay bars, always overpopulated with men and having male bartenders, but even after hormones and surgery, qualifying states of queerness im not the kind of queer they’re looking for. i’m starting to feel like all of the thick skin i’ve built against transphobia, sexism, general stress of a high volume industry got me nowhere. i used to get a fire under me when customers or management would say trans or homophobic things to me, id be like “yes this is the thick skin everyone says i need to survive in this industry. this is how i learn to stick up for myself, remain professional, build resilience” and i did. i got touched on grabbed and each time i didn’t take it home with me. i was the perfect professional victim, i was a team player, i was someone queer people came to for comfort. i was everything we learn to be in our homes and in school. and now i’m visibly trans. i see the look on my interviewers face when i walk in and they see i’m not the girl name on my resume and i think wow all the muscle i built to be brushed off. i’m feeling beaten down. this industry punishes people who want to serve it as a career. people who have given their personhood for the very few and far between perks. i’ve shmoozed and i still have no idea how anyone gets a solid longterm job. this sucks. sorry for the long rant.