Motherhood has finally clicked for me (26F)

I didn’t feel sentimental during my pregnancy because I haven’t met my baby yet. I was worried about how I’d feel towards her when she was born.

I loved her from the second she was born. However, I didn’t LIKE her until she was 8 weeks, when she wasn’t fussy all the time anymore. Then, I didn’t wholeheartedly love her until now, at 12 weeks.

My friend told me that whenever she was tired in the middle of the night because baby wouldn’t sleep, she would imagine that she were 80 years old and wishing to be back in this time again when baby was this small.

I did the same tonight as I held her to sleep and got so emotional. One day, she’s not going to want me to hold her all the time anymore— to be in my arms like this. One day, I’m gonna miss her falling asleep on my chest and us sleeping together as I hug her against me. I’m going to miss her waking up and doing her big, full body stretches as I unswaddle her and her being so bright eyed and babbling to me in the mornings. One day, she’s going to be too big to fit in her baby carrying wrap as we go on walks around the neighborhood where she ends up dozing off. One day, she’s going to outgrow her baby bath tub and be too big for us to bathe her. One day, we’re not going to breastfeed anymore and my titties aren’t going to be her source of comfort anymore/solve all her problems. One day, I’m not going to be her favorite person anymore. One day, she’s not going to cry for me.

It felt like before, I was taking care of her and going through the motions and wanted the best for her because I was her mom. But now, I fully appreciate her and being her mother and love her wholeheartedly with every fiber of my being. Before, I would just feel moments of affection towards her when she did something cute. Now, I am radiating with love towards her every second.

I don’t want anything to hurt her. One day, some boy (or girl) is going to break her heart. 😭💔

I spend all day, every day with her, mostly holding her, so oftentimes I get tired of holding her and didn’t understand the hype of why people like holding babies so much and am grateful when someone offers to hold her/step in. I liked it more so when she was lying down or facing me so we could interact with each other rather than me holding her and me not being able to see her face. Now, I get it. I love holding my baby in my arms 😭🥺 I will never take this feeling and honor for granted again. I am honored that she trusts me and feels so safe in my arms. That I am her person. That I bring her comfort.

Before, I would often wonder when the right time was for me to come back to work and to find “me” again. Still prioritizing “me” in a sense, but I feel like I’ve finally stepped into and have fully embraced motherhood. I would sacrifice anything for her. I just want to love, nurture, and be of service to this little baby to the best of my abilities.

I love my baby. Motherhood has finally clicked for me.